Diaries

Maintenance and Enforcement Program Failures

After leaving my husband, I was told that collecting child support would be no problem.  Well, as they say…the best laid plans… 
After confirming the court order from the arbitrator which took over four years, I waited patiently as the Maintenance and Enforcement Program contacted my ex-husband to collect the monthly child support cheques.  Six months later, I was still in the queue to collect the arrears which was supposed to be paid to me every month.  Finally, I called MEP (the Maintenance and Enforcement Program) phone number and asked why child support and expenses for my children was not being paid.  The government administrator informed me that it is almost impossible to collect arrears and child support from a self-employed person.  Of course, I was shocked and asked why…I thought this was impossible.  She went on to explain that they must disclose their income to MEP.  My ex-husband was not disclosing and would not agree to show any income statements for the last year as well as his current income. My ex-husband is a lawyer.  He knew very well how to play the game.

To complicate matters further, my children informed me that “Daddy” was carrying around loads of cash in his car as he was being paid directly in cash for his real-estate transactions.  Yes, my ex-husband is a lawyer.  Instead of having his fees roll through his Professional Corporation as is the legal requirement, my ex was taking cash deals so that he wouldn’t have to pay me or the tax man. 

At that point, I went back to court to ask what I could do about the mounting arrears that was collecting monthly.  Now a year later my child support arrears and other expenses were at $60K which he still refused to pay.  The court informed me if there were no assets in the province of Alberta, I would not be able to collect the arrears.  Being that my ex-husband is a lawyer, he knew the law and knew that he could hide his assets outside of Alberta.  He currently owns a boat worth $40K and a cabin worth over $500K in BC and to this date is refusing to pay child support for both of our children.  This is a warning for those who think that child support will be paid if ordered by the court.  No, the debtor does not have to adhere to the court order or pay if they hide their assets out of the province of jurisdiction. 

Learnings:

The Maintenance and Enforcement Program is set up by the government to ensure that children receive support from their parents. 

If your partner is self-employed, collecting child support from them can be very difficult.  There are three conditions which make it almost impossible for the government (Alberta) to collect child support on your behalf:

• Your ex-spouse is self-employed (can’t garnish wages as there is no employer to collect from).

• Your ex-spouse moves assets out of the province of AB (sends their assets outside of Court of Queen’s bench jurisdiction in Alberta).

• Your ex-spouse refuses to make an income or gets paid in cash to avoid having an income (even when a judge has set an income for them).  Your ex-spouse will be able to claim little or no income and not pay for the children’s needs or expenses.

Diaries

Bookend offers between opposing counsel

My lawyers got monies in trust (250K) and decided to spin the legal battle between me and my ex-spouse.  He kept sending ridiculous offers that were sure to be rejected.  They’re drafted by counsel and can represent nowhere near a bona fide offer.  Neither party will agree but both sides continue the process.  One side will send an unequal offer to settle to the other party and the other side refuses the offer. Both sides lose in this case.  The longer the battle continues, the more the lawyers are enriched.  Lawyers will talk to each other and bill the clients for the potential offers.  The intent appears to be keeping me (the client) paying for as long as possible.  If I knew that the lawyer would talk to opposing counsel, keep billing me for each offer, and never complete the file, I would never have hired one.  This is the risk of hiring a lawyer without a plan.  While the lawyer keeps billing me, I lose more and more assets. This process can continue for years while the lawyers continue to bill out the file without any conclusion date in sight.

Learnings:

Without a plan forward, the lawyers can spin you in the cycle and you can’t get out without managing the file closely. Your bills increase over time but there is no end to the legal fees.  You lose your assets that were build up over your entire lifetime to try and get out of your marriage. Both lawyers send proposals back and forth that are rejected but cost a huge amount to put together.  They are called “bookend” proposals as they are too far apart to settle the file.

Diaries

Mediation/Arbitration Failures

Clients have no options other than using a system that economically supports and rewards lawyers.

In my case, only three options were given:

1) Court trial (clients are told this is very costly and expensive to finish with the costs of court reporters and lawyers for both sides (highly adversarial)
2) Mediation trial run at the whim of the lawyers (arbitrator runs the show and has no impetus or incentive to complete the file (working with both opposing counsel with more motive to prolong proceedings, not to solve issues in the divorce file they are handling. This can run for years while all lawyers financially benefit from making the file drag out longer during mediation and arbitration.
3) Divorce retail discount where both parties are in agreement to divorce (only 20 percent of people can divorce this way). This process does not work in cases where there is high conflict or in custody fights sometimes encouraged by the lawyers.

My mediation and arbitration hearing took place over a four year period. Long delays in the mediation process made it extremely difficult for the file to be concluded. In fact, it took seven years for this woman to get her final divorce judgement from the court. I had to force the signing of the final divorce order by the court as my ex-spouse would not sign the divorce judgement order. The separation agreement was also never drafted or agreed to during their 7 years of separation. The custody of the children was further complicated due to an alcohol addiction by her ex- spouse. There were lengthy delays in the mediation process as he would not show up for dates and she was still charged by her lawyers for the time. Excessive court dates occurred during mediation when the arbitrator left on sabbatical for long periods of time. The monthly bills for each client ranged between 15-20K a month and on a few months, the bills exceeded 35K (high conflict). Several caveats were placed on the home to make sure that the lawyers were paid first. The woman who retained residential custody of the children lost her home. She is now renting a home with her children as the trust funds from the divorce went to pay the lawyers and the arbitrator’s bills. The emotional trauma of the children losing their home, their friends and their father to alcoholism was devastating to the kids. Both children have been in and out of counselling over the last 8 years. Time will tell the long term impact of this process on the children and how they will find a path forward.
If you calculate the bills over four years, the cost to each client is excess of 300K plus the arbitrators bill which was over 125K. Spending over 700K on legal bills bankrupt the family. That is little consolation for the children who need to attend university in the future.

Learnings
Mediation and arbitration can bankrupt a family as once the mediation/arbitration agreement is signed it is very difficult to terminate the arbitrator. Both sides must agree to terminate.  It costs a great deal to start over with a new arbitrator. Either way, the legal fees can be extremely expensive.

Diaries

False Domestic Violence Claims

The emotional, behavioural and developmental effects on children who are prevented or discouraged from seeing a parent over long periods post-separation is significant as evidenced by psychologists who specialize in divorce cases.
The legal system is simply unable to handle many false Emergency Protection Orders (EPOs) that can and are used by a parent in order to control the ex-spouse in order to punish them. Family lawyers are advising their female clients to get an EPO regardless of abuse and in the absence of any concerning issues in the process of the dissolution of the marriage.

One recent case is reflective of this – A man who has never had any history of violence, never been violent or aggressive with his wife or children was forced from his home after his wife accused him of physical abuse and threatening behaviour. She opportunistically filed for an EPO in court with false affidavits perjuring herself under oath – manipulating the system with complete disregard for the law in order to prevent her ex-husband from caring for the children while she travelled out of town the very next day for purposes of continuing with an affair that was the reason for the marital breakdown. Within hours of the filing, the police forceably removed him and much of his belongings from his home. He was told he could not come back to his own home or contact his children for an indefinite amount of time. The EPO was the quickest way to get her husband out of the home and the ex-wife was able to keep the matrimonial home until the EPO hearing (delayed due to an overwhelmed family court system in Alberta).

Subsequently, the father did not see his children for close to three weeks. On the morning of the EPO hearing, rather than face charges of perjury the wife dropped the EPO minutes before the courtroom opened, but the damage was done and with absolutely no accountability or consequence. In the passing weeks, the father was not allowed to coach his son’s hockey team or go to the school the children attended. An avid volunteer and member of the parent council, the consequences were devastating and humiliating. But beyond these intended consequences, his type 1 diabetic daughter suffered acute hyperglycemia for a period of over three days during the time her mother left her with incapable grandparents and neighbours while she travelled to meet her boyfriend with a suitcase full of lingerie and a lovely plastic “lei” her bestie friend had bestowed her.

Unfortunately, long term effects can be seen on the children’s emotional health and both children have suffered. One child, the daughter, attempted suicide and was diagnosed with ODD (Oppositional Defiant Disorder, depression and social anxiety disorder). For the past 3 years his young teenager has been on a high dose of antidepressants while she struggles under the constant reign of parental alienation by her mother in the environment of a broken family. She no longer visits or stays with her father…. just the odd cup of coffee or ride home from school or to/from activities when needed. The son, has had emotional trauma and is currently suffering with depression, anxiety and chronic headaches as well. He continues to struggle to reconcile the destructive and alienating behaviour of his mother, grandparents, and other family members on his mother’s side as well as the lack of accountability towards a reasonable solution. And the question arises as to where the accountability is for the longterm impacts to children’s mental health in these circumstances? Even with the involvement of such agencies as Wood’s Homes, parental alienation and manipulation of family/divorce law is blatant and flagrant with no regard for the severe impacts on the emotional and physical health of the children of divorce.

Learnings

An ex-partner can falsely accuse you of domestic violence with absolutely no accountability. You can be removed from your home and alienated from your children for months before the judge can hear your side of the story. A well-intentioned section of family law in Alberta has been exploited to the point of outright abuse with absolutely no checks and balances. Even when your matter is heard you can’t get back the time lost and weeks of waiting to see your children. Your ex-partner can, and will, alienate you from your children by using tactics like this with no regard to the medium and long-term emotional damage caused.