DD News
One evening, near the end of 2014, I turned on the radio in the middle of an interview. I remember a man’s voice lamenting all the unhappy couples out there, growing old miserably together. I don’t know who that man was, but over the following weeks and months, I kept thinking about his words. My husband and I had been married for thirty years and had slowly grown apart over the last ten. Neither of us could deny it: growing old together did not look promising.
That spring, I finally asked my husband if he would like to try couples’ therapy, or if he thought we should separate. He said we should separate. I expected an amicable split, imagining that we would sit down and divide everything we owned in half. After living apart for a year, we would file for divorce. I thought the legal process would cost us perhaps two thousand dollars each, probably less. I pictured the years ahead: we would meet for holidays with our grown daughter, we would share custody of our dog, and we would wish each other well as we moved forward in our own directions.
I was so wrong.
Three years and hundreds of thousands of dollars later, I was still in the midst of a hellish divorce.
The arbitrator we hired had proved incompetent, corrupt or both; a series of lawyers failed to help me; and in my ex’s case, one lawyer expertly drained him of both sense and money, dragging out the process out by any means possible. As for my ex (I call him my “wusband”), he had transformed, throughout our divorce, into someone I barely recognized, someone whose vindictive and bizarre behaviour would have appalled the trustworthy and reasonable man I knew for three decades. What went wrong? What could we have done differently? Which services and experts could have helped us avoid this mess, and which should we have avoided? I spoke with many women and men who had come through complicated, expensive divorces, and who wished they could start the process over with all the knowledge of hindsight.
I realized how many more people needed unbiased information and needed it urgently.
My name is Terry Allen, and I created Disrupt Divorce to help others avoid the emotional, legal, and financial lie in wait when we decide to end a marriage – to navigate divorce better than I did.
Today, I remain enmeshed in divorce proceedings. But rather than stand by helplessly, I choose to advocate for divorce that leaves hearts and minds, relationships, dignity, and finances intact. Every situation requires its own resolution, and whether you’re considering divorce or have already begun the process,
Disrupt Divorce aims to provide the information and support you need to make good decisions for yourself, your family, and your future.
ABOUT TERRY ALLEN
Terry Allen leads Pivotal Capital Advisory Group in Calgary. She previously represented various corporations and underwriters in financing transactions. She has worked as an independent financial advisor to companies and governments, and has held positions as a senior corporate banker. Terry founded Disrupt Divorce in 2018 to advocate for fair, efficient divorce in her city, province, country, and beyond.